I thanked him for his time and began to walk out, but he stopped me and asked if we could meet again and talk. I didn’t see his response, because I had to leave before the weight of his question crushed me. Did he honestly think I was enjoying the burden of not taking the sacrament? Was he trying to use the ordinance as a bargaining chip to make me break up with my girlfriend? Or did he really not understand how much his little question meant to me?
#Lds teachings why am i gay how to
I didn’t know how to answer such a question. “Would you like to take the sacrament?” my bishop asked. I’d had great hope that if I discussed my emotional and spiritual journey with my bishop, he would encourage me to take the sacrament again so I could have the added strength that came from weekly renewing my baptismal covenants. I began to see my sexuality as a blessing, and my relationship with my girlfriend as wholesome and healing. Through prayer, study, introspection, and clinical counseling, I had begun to escape my self-hatred and accept myself as a queer daughter of God.
#Lds teachings why am i gay full
I had entered his office so full of hope for about a year and a half I had guilted myself out of taking the sacrament because I was ashamed of my homosexual feelings, desires, and actions. I could feel my heart sinking as he told me I had to break up with my girlfriend in order to be worthy to take the sacrament. For this reason, I will refer to the two separate laws of chastity as the gay law and the straight law.īack to the scene in my bishop’s office. As I will explain later, they are not the same and they are not equally difficult to follow. Regarding the second goal, I believe it’s high time we admit that there is a huge difference between the law of chastity that we expect straight members to follow and the law of chastity we expect gay members to follow. Instead, I want to simply share my experience as a fellow human, and hope that it can open a useful space for conversation and introspection. It’s often fruitless to make a case for whether or not the LDS Church can abide gay marriage or not-either you believe it can or you believe it can’t. Second, I will address the difference between the gay law of chastity and the straight law of chastity. First, I hope to share an authentic, heartfelt experience about what it’s like to be a gay Mormon in love. It was for these reasons that I was even more hurt by his assertion that I was unworthy to take the sacrament, even if my girlfriend and I kept the law of chastity that is given to heterosexual members.Īt this point I need to take a break in my narrative to explain my goals for this post. I asked him tough questions about the Church’s stance on gay marriage, and I was surprised that instead of calling me to repentance for questioning, he had agreed with many of my beliefs. I had told him that I am queer and have a girlfriend. Here was a man whom I had trusted with my secrets. As a woman, if you are actively pursuing a relationship with another woman then you are breaking the law of chastity.” “So, you’re saying that even if my girlfriend and I were to only hold hands with each other-no hugging, cuddling, kissing, or anything else-then the simple fact that I was pursuing this relationship with her would mean that I was breaking the law of chastity?” Maybe, I thought, he simply misunderstood: Why was I raised to want an eternal companion and family above all else, then told that my “special mission” was to remain celibate for life? Why did my Church criticize the Catholic Church for asking their priests and nuns to be celibate, using the argument that “it is not good for man to be alone” (Moses 3:18, Abraham 5:14), and then tell me that celibacy was my only option if I wanted to remain a worthy member? These questions swirled in my mind as my bishop forbade me to take LDS communion. Yet the official stance didn’t fit with my understanding of loving Heavenly Parents and an inclusive Plan of Happiness. I’ve been told time and time again that the only temple worthy union is between a woman and a man.
I was raised to see same-sex relationships as wrong and wicked. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is” (). Like many LGBTQIA members, I’ve read the Church’s stance on homosexuality dozens and dozens of times: “The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. Yes, I know it was silly for me to have even the slightest hope of remaining worthy to take the sacrament while I, a woman and lifelong Mormon, have a girlfriend. It’s been about three weeks since I met with my bishop and sat numbly in his office while he told me I can’t take the sacrament because I have a girlfriend.